I think what’s killing me right now is Sam’s juxtaposition to Dean at our current advent in season 14.
In a lot of ways, Sam is fulfilling a true character arc – finally. Passed the keys to the bunker; using his tech savant skills to build a network and a legacy; not as ready or thoughtful of retirement as Dean yet, but still wanting peace; Dean readily accepting him taking on a leader role–
But Dean himself isn’t complete and so, even removing Michael – if we pretended that was a nonissue – Dean himself is still broken up over the aftermath and Sammy doesn’t know how to fix it.
He tried. He thought he had it.
In season 10, during the Mark of Cain chaos, Dean took comfort and “felt like himself” again by being taken on a vampire hunt.
Dean: “Yeah, you know, for the first time I’ve been back, I didn’t feel like the Mark was pushing me.”
Sam: “First time?”
Dean: “All I know is, back there, killing those vamps… I felt like me again.“
Sam: “Alright, so that’s good, right?“
D: “Yeah.”
– Sam & Dean, 10.08 Hibbing 911.
Now, in season 14 with Dean hiding out in his room, not only does Sam do that but finds like, The Perfect Case™ that’s just perfectly suited to get Dean out of a funk with the interests he never lets himself deeply invest in and boom – plucky Dean at the end of the episode, but we all saw something still wasn’t right.
And, in 14.5, Dean does show where he’s grown. Sam doesn’t get to really see these discussions as he talks about trying to let things go every day because The Past Is The Past (trying to think like that every day, rather than S10 where it’s “the opposite of what I do”; also keep an eye on S10, we’re gonna keep tapping back to it), but the thought echoes up later. And Dean, sideways in it all still, admits – he’s still not okay. He almost felt like himself. Almost.
“You know, I’ve been trying to– not forget, but to move on, from what I–from what we– from what he did. And to be honest, I was– I was starting to feel like myself again. Almost.”
– Dean 14.5 Nightmare Logic
Almost.
In fact, the sentences are framed so painfully similar, and the evocation of Americana in both of these episodes (though 14.5 it was a shortly previous scene with sending off Mobby), I can’t help but feel it was, truly, intentional. “You know,” [introspection] “I felt like me again/I was starting to feel like myself again. Almost.”
Almost.
Almost.
The “Almost” is murdering me. As is this.
All this. I’m encouraged by how frank S14 is being about what doesn’t work any more. Dean’s “every day”–it’s a work-in-progress, it’s in process, it’s not all ok and fixed but he keeps at it. And Dean’s “Almost.” All you pointed out here about Sam knowing the same old fixes he and they have tried in the past won’t cut it any more.
Sam knew.
“There’s nothing quite as awful – but quite as mature – as realizing you can’t be the end all fix all for somebody you care about.” – has to be one of my favorite meta sentences written about Sam and Dean in a while.
A lot of what you pointed out here is a reason why I’m warming up to the bro bond again. I almost teared up reading this post. Their sibling bond is something I loved (still love) dearly, then canon drifted me from it, then started the repairs I needed, real slow, I can’t even say when it started but it’s Dabb era that’s doing it. I’m holding my breath a little, afraid to get excited too soon but I’m really liking Sam and Dean in S14 and after the way the bottom fully dropped out for me on them by the end of S10, that’s a big deal to me.
*waves little S14 flag* Go team character development.
I’ve had a hard time determining what part of the bro bond I started detaching from due to the show, and what part due to fandom. It doesn’t help that we have a very noisy sector of fans that screams against progress and cheers on destructive, toxic behavior – much less the people who spin everything into *ncest when it’s honestly the opposite. It’s made it so hard for me to even find good Sam content, good Sam discussions, I go into master meta blogs wearing a digital biohazard suit. But I do know this season has become positive enough I honestly don’t give a shit what they think or shit on, in or around aside from occasionally heckling them over the lunacy and canon-contrariness of it. This season is… so healthy and rewarding once you don’t let standom get in your ear.
I do encourage, once reading the full OP, to go cross check the other links dropped in it too – be it my own three posts about Dean’s end of the exchange and/or use of his song, or the post by @casgirlsam that I linked into it towards the end. It’s really weighty food for thought that seems to be fencing in our entire situation right now.
THIS WHOLE POST BLESS YALL
i don’t have much to add except my feelings on the bro bond…
the bro bond, oh yes. something i relate heavily to but was scared into not enjoying for years. if it wasn’t people twisting it into something dark, it was people telling me i hated sam. and within canon, it was lying and toxic codependency. i can say that the ratio of what was fandom-caused and what was canon-caused is about 50/50 re my attitude towards it for literally most of the time i’ve been watching.
one day i just… snapped. for one, canon was moving towards a more healthy bond. i also realized that the ones yelling at me were going to keep yelling and they were going to keep twisting anything i did or said (and canon for that matter). so not only am i now sam-focused, but i also fully embraced the bro bond that i can relate to.
my sisters and i come from a home filled with physical/verbal/emotional abuse and parents that were barely around. we were each other’s only friends pretty much. i’m the oldest that was forced from a young age to watch over and care for my younger siblings. as you can see, when i say i can relate, i mean it. so i’m glad the show and my idgaf/contrary attitude is letting me enjoy their bond again.
Chriss’ Home of Gifs, Squee, and Fandom Issues 