7faerielights:

14×05 Coda

Nightmare Logic

Dean is sitting alone nursing a beer in the kitchen when Cas and Jack get home from Sarasota. He hears the bunker door bang shut and Jack’s voice carries as he greets the hunter crew. He’s describing their hunt and Dean smiles to himself when he hears Jack refer to Cas as “my father.”

“Hello, Dean,” there’s an audible smile in Cas’s deep gravel and it’s a balm to Dean’s exhausted mind.

“Heya Cas,” he must sound as tired as he feels, because Cas drops a hand on his shoulder and when Dean turns to look at him, his face is squinty with concern.

“How are you feeling, Dean. You look… tired.” Cas hesitates on the word ‘tired’ as if he really wants to use a different word but has thought better of it. For a minute Dean has the urge to lie, to shoot Cas a cocky grin and claim to be right as rain. But he’s been down that road so many times and though he knows he could swallow this pain and pretend to be fine, he also knows that way just isn’t working anymore. He’s buried so much pain within himself there isn’t room for any more and what he’s already carrying is threatening to spill over and engulf him completely. So he just doesn’t. He looks into Cas’s blue eyes and feels himself crumble.

“I am, Cas. I’m so tired I can feel it in my bones. I’m exhausted.” With mild horror, he feels tears prick at the edges of his eyes and he ducks his head so Cas won’t see him cry. But Cas, isn’t having it. He refuses to let Dean hide from him. In less than a second, he hauls Dean to his feet and wraps him in a fierce hug. Dean lets himself slump against Cas’s strong body and it’s just such a relief to be held. Just to be held. He sobs quietly into Cas’s shoulder.

“Dean,” Cas murmurs, tightening his arms around him. “It’s alright. You’re strong for everybody all the time. You support us all. Let me support you now.” Dean nods, his head still pressed hard into the crook of Cas’s neck.

“Ok,” he whispers. “Ok, Cas.” Cas pulls back for a moment to look into his face. Softly, tentatively, he brushes a thumb across Dean’s cheek, catching a tear and wiping it away. Dean’s hard resolve is long gone now and he leans into to touch, looking up at Cas through his wet lashes. Cas swallows without looking away and Dean can see him come to a decision. It’s not a surprise when Cas’s soft mouth meets his but Dean’s heart gives a great leap in his chest. He pulls Cas closer, his hands scrabbling against that ever present trenchcoat. Together they deepen the kiss until they both have to break away to breathe. Dean smiles at Cas shyly.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” he admits. Cas grins back at him and it’s beautiful, like sunshine through trees.

“Me too.” He pulls Dean close again, reaching out and tucking his head back into the crook of his neck. Dean sighs against his skin. “Let’s get out of the kitchen. We could be overrun by Sam’s hunter crew any minute.” Dean nods in agreement.

“We could go to my room,” he offers quietly. “I wasn’t lying when I said was tired. It’s been… difficult to sleep since I got back. It seems like when I’m asleep I remember more of…” He trails off, traitorous lips trembling. “Maybe you could, I dunno, watch over me like you used to?” He wills himself not to feel like a prize git asking for this.

“What if I laid down with you and held you while you slept?” Cas ventures. “If it seems like you’re having a nightmare, maybe I can soothe you or wake you up?” Dean wants to burst into tears because of how much he wants that.

“Yeah, Cas. Yeah, I’d like that.” Another beautiful smile breaks across Cas’s face. He pulls Dean even closer and Dean wraps an arm around his waist. They move down the hall to Dean’s bedroom together without letting go if each other.

In the room, Dean strips down to his boxers and climbs into his bed. He looks at Cas’s fully dressed figure and smiles.

“If you’re going to lay down with me, you’re gonna have to lose the coat and suit, Cas.” Cas nods and proceeds to do just that. Once he’s also in his boxers, he slides into the bed next to Dean. Dean rolls over and Cas instinctively wraps himself around him. For the first time since Michael left, Dean feels himself relax. Cas’s body is warm and solid at his back and Dean feels as safe as he’s ever felt. As he snuggles against him, he hears Cas’s soft voice in his ear.

“Sleep, Dean. I’m here. I won’t leave you. Ever.”

Dean closes his eyes and slides into a dreamless sleep.