tearsandfandomblg:

A/N: So I think I might be aboard the Sabriel ship? Help The full story will be updated sometime in the future on my Wattpad, jane_novak (right now it’s just this chapter), but this can be read as a stand alone. It has spoilers though if you haven’t watched up to 13 x 17

Warnings: none. Just a pure bonding moment

Summary: After Dean went through the portal, Sam had nothing else to do except watch Gabriel. Gabriel opens up about what happened in hell.

After dean left, Sam didn’t really know what to do except take care of Gabriel. He searched for clothes, but all of them were too big. Sam placed the smallest ones on the table in front of Gabriel, who was sitting in the chair, still shaking and bloody, eyes darting around.

“Here, you can wash up if you want,” Sam said. Gabriel nodded his head and went to shower while Sam stayed and paced around, waiting for Dean. He called Cas, but he didn’t pick up. Same left an urgent voicemail and continued pacing.

After a while, Gabriel came out. The plaid shirt Gabriel wore was definitely too big and draped all the way down to mid-thigh. He almost seemed like his normal self, except he didn’t have the same mischievous in his eyes and lost his confident air, long replaced by tiredness, and swayed from constant vigilance to staring off into the distance like he was elsewhere. Marks and cuts that didn’t heal yet were visible. Sam noticed all of this and pitied him. What happened for him to become this way? All he knew was Asmodeous would not get away with this.

“There’s a TV in my room. Want to see what’s on there right now to watch?” Sam asked. Gabriel nodded.

Sam walked with Gabriel to show him his room. His first instinct was to stay close to him protectively, but Gabriel didn’t react well earlier to close contact, so he stayed his distance. They arrived and Gabriel sat down on the bed.

“Here’s my room. Do you want anything else?” Sam asked. Gabriel nodded and coughed.

“Can you stay here?” he said, his voice croaking from disuse. Sam thought for a moment. It would probably be more tactical to be close to the portal, but on the other hand, Gabriel seemed so lost and haunted. Gabriel needed him.

“Okay,” Sam said. Gabriel moved to the headboard and positioned the pillows for comfort. Sam sat on the bed beside him and turned on the TV. Gabriel sat still, looking blankly at the screen.

“Do you want to talk about anything that happened there? You don’t have to if you don’t, but … I figured it might help getting it all out,” Sam said. Gabriel stayed quiet for a while, which Sam took as a no. Gabriel cleared his throat

“I just wish I could forget it. Every moment I keep thinking about it,” Gabriel said, his voice shaky and tears streaming down his face. “He took part of my grace every day, enough to weaken me, and then pumped it into his veins. He treated me like a dog, and I couldn’t do anything to save myself.”

Sam understood how it felt to be powerless. When he gained his soul, he couldn’t escape from the hallucinations and was constantly exhausted, both emotionally and physically. And the first time they happened, the memories of being tortured in hell left him with nightmares for a long time, but he didn’t tell Dean. What exactly could’ve been done about it?

‘I’m here for you when you need help, okay? You’re here, safe and sound. You don’t have to deal with this alone,“ Sam said. Gabriel smiled weakly and wiped his tears.

“Thank you. You don’t know how much it means to me,” Gabriel said. He leaned closer to Sam, not quite completely closing the distance yet, but still closer than he’d ever been to someone since returning. Who knows? Maybe he would find a home here.